White Tail Deer

That white tail deer, she took off running, she heard something. . .
and fear was kicking in. . .that's all she knows
It was past July when this river flooded, and now with all the mud he can't stay clear, he’s sinking in, and so it goes
He stores your rifle out in the shed--what was it made him lose his head
next time he'll know to be better prepared, of course
Now he eats his pie over at the diner
where flies expire and deposit their bodies on the ledge
he stabs at the wedge, licks his spoon
she'll come meandering over there soon
More coffee, she says.
But he says "no," 'cause it seems like she's only waiting on him to go.
[ Inst break ]
Past quittin' time, and yet she's back
for another pack tho' she swore she wasn't gonna smoke anymore
she throws in a pint, a crushed bag of chips
pays with her tips and leaves, and the owner is pleased
(his roadside bar stays healthy off the diseases of the heart).
It was past July when this river flooded
and now with all the mud we can't see clear, we're sinking in
It's a single lane heading out of town, and a white tail dear comes running
and the fear is kicking in
I was caught off guard, the tires swerved
Turned into the skid and kept to the curve, so relieved
And she disappeared off into the woods
and I swore to be good, there was nothing much else I could do,
of course, so I turned around and headed back home to you
Turned around and headed back home to you.

Permanent Ink

Broken up piñata left out on the lawn
yesterday's party, and the guests have long since gone
the neighbors shakin' their heads at all the scattered toys
and the empty cans of beer and all the fighting and the noise

Oh, happy days are here again
it may not look that way to you
but I wrote these words on the front door of my house
'cause wishes, well, sometimes they come true  (don't they)

A plate on the wall trimmed in gold
says, 'God Bless Our Mobile Home,'
but Daddy says we ain't movin' nowhere
so why don't they just leave us the hell alone

Oh happy days are here again
but it sure don't seem that way to him
so I wrote those words on the front door of our house
'cause these things have a way of sinkin' in  (don't they)

[bridge] But Daddy's worried 'bout all the writing on the wall
can't find the wisdom in my childish scrawl

When the elbow grease ain't strong enough
out comes a bottle of some nasty, toxic, chemical stuff
the pen, it's mightier than the sword
you just don't go stickin' it in
the eye of a hard landlord

Oh happy days are here again
but it won't look that way to him
'cause some little brat, she wrote it on the front door of his house
and now she's out there rubbin' it in
rubbin' it in, rubbin' it in:

Happy days are here again
Happy days are here to stay
Happy days won't fade away
[stop]
'Cause I wrote these words and I don't care what you think
it's permanent ink, permanent ink
it's permanent ink
and it's permanent

Minister To Me

The most that I hoped for, the least I expected all in one
you put me together again and again when I come undone
and all of my shadows protected
by the strength of your sun,
and I am so thankful you minister this way to me
I am so thankful you minister this way to me

There's too many out there teachin' such a narrow way to believe
but how far can we preach ourselves out of this pain and disease
I much prefer words that reach out with plain honesty
and I am so thankful you minister this way to me
I am so thankful you minister this way to me

I think on the times I'm tryin' to be tough, cynical and cool
but I've hung around here just enough to know
I am a fool. . . I am a fool

But one day I will understand all the love you are givin' to me
I might start to take all your opinions so much more seriously
but I love how you treat my body like the temple it was meant to be
and I am so thankful you minister this way to me
and I am so thankful you minister this way to me

I am so thankful. . .umhmm

Abel to My Cain -unplugged, unmixed, unfinished

In this land where I once knelt and prayed to God for rain
I tried to raise a simple crop on the Oklahoma plain
it's here my supple lips grew dry –– cracked and caked with mud
it's here my thirst for water changed into a thirst for blood.

And so I left my family to lead an outlaw’s life
I met a rich man's daughter and I claimed her for my wife
for I smelled some sweet advantage in the prospect of her oil
and conscience had abandoned me with nothing left to spoil.

oh she was righteous, she was  pure, and to me a loathesome thing
and somewhere in the dead of night I planned my reckoning
oh she was Abel to my Cain, she was Abel to my Cain

As keeper of her body, I held it tightly in my grip
never letting any of my true intentions slip
I told her she was free to go if ever she should please
but the devil's in the details and in promises like these.

And I sat down at her table, discomposed by her gay mood
and swallowed bitter portions --yes –– venom was my food
And I pretended to apprize the steady fruit of all her labor
but the meat of her benevolence soon did lose all of its flavor

for wherever I would go I could not vanish from her sight
and whatever I would do, she’d always tell me “it’s all right.”
Oh she was Abel to my Cain, she was Abel to my Cain
(Instr)
When emptiness within purported nothing left to save
why the cry for mercy as I stood beside her grave
Where the wind was swift to judge me, and declare a false repentance
And the gentle rain did nothing for the hellfire of my sentence

For wherever I may go, I’ll never vanish from her sight
and whatever I may do, she’ll always tell me "it’s all right."
Oh she is Abel to my Cain, she is Abel to my Cain
She is Abel… to my Cain

Lovesick Blue®

©2006 Ilsabe O'Connell
A new color out there, maybe you've seen
they call "lovesick blue," lovesick blue
and they say when you wear it, it's guaranteed
to be stunning on you, stunning on you
Well, I've seen it before, but they say it's comin' back
"lovesick blue" -- it's the new black
Chorus: oh blue, lovesick blue
don't you care about me the way I care. . . about you?

V2: plenty I'm missing out on, but then I'd rather not see
what you're out there doin', (what're you out there doin'?)
So I drink alone nights watching TV
jealousy's my downfall, but whiskey is my ruin
and I swear paranoia like poisonous fumes
comes spillin' out the TV set and fillin' up these rooms with
Chorus 2: blue, lovesick blue
it's all comin' back, it's the new black (only
darker than that)

BRIDGE: it's the color of smoke curling up through the bars
and of wishes that fell
short of their . . . stars . . .and couldn't come
Chorus 3: true, oh true
I guess you wouldn't be to me what I couldn't be to you.

V3: I was minding my own business, walking down the street
tryin' to reorganize, reorganize
And I saw you in the distance, you were staring at me
with those beautiful eyes, beautiful eyes
well, maybe I'll break through to you one of these days
but for now I'm stuck behind this thick, fuckin' (alt: ugly) haze of
Chorus 4: blue, lovesick blue
Don't you care about the way that I’m aching, aching for. . .
Chorus 5: you, lovesick blue
it's all comin' back it's the new black – only
darker than that

Couples in Restaurants ©Ilsabe O'Connell 2006
(merely a rough recording )

•This one's new -- drowning in heartache. From here I moved on as quickly as possible to the more up-tempo and somewhat naughty "Heart's Like a Prison/Mind's Like a Gutter." Nothin' like a jailhouse metaphor to cheer you up.

We cared for each other
as the broken often do
we were there for each other
knowing what we'd been through
searching for a place to hide before the next hard wind blew
we took shelter in each other.

We looked out for each other
tried to make our burdens light
we held onto each other
when there was nothing else in sight
but like a doctor set a bone wrong and what healed never felt quite right
we held on to each other
and it always seemed a little bit too tight.

Bridge: Folks like us can always tell exactly where it hurts
and then we stick our dirty fingers in the wound...

Oh we tried to love each other
in the worst kind of way
but we were scared for each other
and the future, come what may
we saw couples out in restaurants with nothing much left to say
so we cared for each other
and then we turned around
and walked away.

Heart's Like a Prison ©2006 Ilsabe O'Connell
Sorry, only lyrics on this one.

Step up, #1 --you know what you done
when you did those things to me
you stole my heart and it would tear me apart
to let you walk outta here and go free.
You're one in a line up, but I've made my mind up,
definitely, it was you
the cops at the door are sayin' "Ma'am are you sure? Or
would you like another minute or two?"

I can see you but you can't see me
I've been starin' at you a long, long time – anonymously
you fit the description, you're the height and the build
my heart's like a prison. . . way overfilled.

When we try this case, I'll meet you face to face
that's something I'm dyin' to do
you could win on appeal, or maybe cut us a deal
where I can do a little hard time with you.
You hear what I'm sayin'? I'll be your ball and chain
when you're out workin' the line
then we can plan to break, I'll slip a file in your cake. . .
and you can slip a little somethin' in mine!

I can see you but you can't see me
I've been starin' at you a long, long time – lasciviously
you fit the description, you're the height and the build

my heart's like a prison. . . way overfilled.
yep, my heart's like a prison (and my mind's like a gutter after a long, hard, pounding rain)
– way overfilled.

Tonight On The Carnival Midway

• Some songs come into being after strenuous labor that can feel like giving birth. However, these lyrics and the start of a melody came to me in traffic--all four verses and chorus. So determined to live was the song, I all but took my hands off the wheel and let it drive me home. In little over an hour, I'd dressed the little freakshow in some chords and adopted her as my own.

All around the county fairground,
that's where I found out about you.
And I can tell by your eyes, I'm gonna win the big prize
tonight on the carnival midway.

Swallow fire you will, cause it gives us a thrill
and it don't seem to do you no harm
but I wonder how you manage to keep it so cool
while this tent starts to feelin' so warm.

Chorus: The smell of the kerosene
The smell of the dirt
the paint on the canvas that lured me inside
and I want you to take me for more than my money
I want you to take me for a ride...

The fat lady cried, 'cause her business done died
there ain't a buck anymore in that game,
'cause the folks who came out to the midway tonight
so many look exactly the same.

Now see her change from girl to gorilla
see her change in a wild sort of way
but bars of one kind and bars of another
will keep her from breakin' out one day.

Oh, the smell of the kerosene
the smell of the dirt
the paint on the canvas that lured me inside
and I want you to take me for more than my money
I want you to take me for a ride. . .

All around the county fairground
that's where I found out about you
and I can tell by your eyes, I'm gonna win the big prize
tonight on the carnival midway.
Yes, I can tell by your eyes, I'm gonna win the big prize
tonight on the carnival midway.

<<Back<   Till She Falls (Redux, w/ special thanks to Dennis Cahill and Charles M. Madigan)

This house you refuse to put back to right angles
you pry loose the nails and upset all the shingles and
you creep through the vines that hold up her walls
only a matter of time till she falls
and all of these rooms, haunted by you – a ghost that looms
but I can't seem to see through

A scream that expanded to fill up a sigh
a creak on the staircase -- last step to goodbye?
a flicker of doubt, just a trace
that slipped through the smile carved on your face
tell me who was it took such possession of you
a ghost that looms, but I can't seem to see through

I stare at the ceiling, can't take the suspense
can't shake this feeling, can't make it all make sense
a chandelier dangles by a threadwire above me
it was here on this spot you said that you loved me
feeding me lines I was dying to hear
but now say what you mean, make yourself clear
oh how this house is haunted by you. . .

The Dollar Store

•This song has inspired others to want to write their own
Dollar Store song, to which I say, "It's been done already, so go write about the hardware store, or Dress Barn, or, be really ambitious and write about the Mall of America. So many options.

Well...
You don’t know what you’re missing till you’ve seen what I got
There ain’t no resisting the things I bought at the Dollar store (the Dollar store)
Tomorrow I’m going back to buy a little bit more.
You wouldn’t believe all the deals in there:
fake flowers and knock-off Tupperware at the Dollar Store (the Dollar store)
and all kinds of scented candles and tschotchke galore.

Chorus: Butter flavored cookies packed in tins
lip gloss, hot sauce and bobby pins
fuzzy teddy bears for you to adopt
action figures from the movie that flopped
you can’t buy love and you can’t buy hope...But there’s plenty of anti-bacterial soap.

Ever since it moved into the neighborhood
Let me tell you, folks, the shopping is good at the Dollar store (the Dollar store)
where there's nothin' I really need, but --so what! --I can afford...
Yeah, I work and I make five-fifty and hour
but I still got plenty of purchasing power at the Dollar store (the Dollar store)
Man, I feel so filthy rich while I’m gettin’ dirt poor
(Chorus: Butter-flavored cookies. . .)

George Washington has a twinkle in his eye
as I hold up a bill and I kiss it good-bye at the Dollar store (the Dollar store)
Please... somebody stop me, cuz I’m buckin’ for more.

Blow Me Away

• Johannes Hamel (1911-2002)

Whenever you came around,
those were times I would dread
seems that you were always trying to knock sense in my head
but here you are buying me ice cream instead
Old man, Old man, how you blow me away
I never thought we’d be having us just a plain old good day

Now here are the stones where a castle used to stand
where all sharp edges have crumbled to sand
tiny bits of history I held in my hand
Old man, old man, but I blew them away
cuz we can start over new on a plain old good day

Bridge: Oh the life I that was living was way, way off track and I’m
really impressed how you held yourself back -- well I
guess you found some faith in me to figure things out
And that still keeps me going whenever I have doubt

Instr. (la la la la....)

Oh what a difference a single day makes
Love, it's amazing how little it takes
when we're too embarrassed to admit our mistakes
Old man, old man, let’s just blow them away
cuz there isn't much left of this plain old good day
No, there isn't much left of this plain old good day

 

Little Lost Cause

He's making angels in the snow
and running fast as he can go (look at him)
our little boy is growing and
he's so sweet, sometimes it scares me.

The world you enter is so frightening
full of bitterness and war
you've got neighbor fighting neighbor
you've got rich fighting poor

You. . .
are my little lost cause
and I will never stop defending
you, my little lost cause,
cuz this love is never-ending.

And I hear the poor will always be among us
but it's hell for those who choose to turn away
will you forgive me when my words come out angry
will you love when I've nothing left to say

Why are you here (I mean)
why are any of us here
but for little lost causes
and for hopeless cases
and for those who'll always be
the very least of these

Oh you. . .are my little lost cause
that I will never stop defending
you can tie me down and
you can hang me from a cross
but my love is never-ending

you... are my little lost cause
that I'll never stop defending
you can try my patience
it will not be exhausted
because love is never-ending.

yes, love is never-ending
this love is never-ending

 

 

All That's Left

• This one deals with the aftermath of a tragedy at different points of time, almost in the form of a palindrome.What was and what is to come overlap at the moment of realization, "the moment I knew." The exact nature of the tragedy remains hidden in darkness. It's another tune that came suddenly, eerily, like a package wrapped in plain brown paper and left on the doorstep.

Last time I laid my head on your pillow
I'd almost swear you were with me somehow
the night air was cold
it blew in through the window
as if to steal away all that's left of you now.

Last night I stared so long at your picture
I'd almost swear you gave me a smile
the photo was old, the edges turned yellow
as if to remind me it's been a very long while.

Chorus: Where have you gone? What'd you go do?
I pulled a sweater over my head
a moment of darkness, the moment I knew.

(instrumental break)

(Repeat Chorus)

Last night I laid my head on my pillow
and I'd almost swear I was happy somehow
the night air was cold
it blew in through this window
a bittersweet tune -- all that's left of you now.

 

Old Konstanz

•In the late 80's, I became an au pair to a baby named Anja. Her father is still an archaeologist in Constance, Germany, where, in the middle ages, land was reclaimed from Lake Constance by filling it in with garbage, on top of which they built the town. For that reason, archaeologists learn a lot about the old, old days by digging. Whenever the city lays new pipes, the regional archaeological office is allowed to go in first and awaken the past.

 

Sleep Little Anja and lay down your head
Birds have stopped singing
and flown off to bed
today we had fun, we went digging about
but the flickering lights of old Konstanz are flickering out.

“These be our fields,”
claimed emperors of Rome
‘til fierce kings and princes
made Konstanz their home
Many long buried, deep under the plow
and under the reign of some young archeologist now.
Yes, many long buried, deep under the plow
to be dug up again by some young archeologist now.

Sleep little Anya
and dream your sweet dreams
Night’s not as long or
as dark as it seems
and morning soon comes, the church bell soon tolls
and wakes from the beds of old Konstanz a thousand old souls.
Yes morning soon comes and your Daddy’s gone off to dig holes
and wake from the bed of Old Konstanz a thousand old souls.

Sleep little Anja, let the rhythm settle in
I'll pull a blanket up under your chin
and watch while you breathe
as the rise and the fall of the waves
on the shores of Old Konstanz keep time with it all.

(repeat first verse)

photo: Dennis Cahill

Gone (full length mp3)

•This one's about death in general, particularly the sudden kind. It came to me after our sweet little tortoiseshell cat Molly was hit by a car and killed.

Oh Death, you're a selfish, son of a bitch
You take away without so much as a sorry
you don't say 'thank you' or 'good-bye' and
you can't even look me in the eye
The only sign you leave behind says "Gone."

You're a coward with a quiet way of slipping
out the door
And there's no way to track you down and settle
the score

And anyway, you'd probably say it's always been
the same
No matter how we keep on calling out
a beautiful name

that's nothing more now than some lines
carved into faces full of pain
and stunned into a block of stone that sits out
in the rain

Oh Death, you're a selfish son of a bitch
You take away without so much as a sorry
you don't say 'Thank you' or 'Good-bye'
and you can't even look me in the eye

the only sign you leave behind says "Gone"

Oh Henry ©2004 Ilsabe O’Connell (not on the album)

Tales with a twist
Oh Henry, why’d you do me this
you messed up my plan
thought that you would be my man
Oh, Henry, and I would be your woman, too.
But clouds turned to gray
Oh Henry, I don’t like what you say
I wrote you down in black and white
now you’re sailing off, outta my sight
Oh Henry, into stormy weather ahead
chorus: Henry, come back home
Your supper’s ready and your kids
are grown. . .nearly grown
If life were a song,
Oh Henry, you’d make it up as you went along
and I couldn’t follow your tune
You go outside and howl at the moon
Oh Henry, I wonder what the neighbors say
Bridge: Oh, guilt--
have you got any gaining on you?
I think you've got some ‘splaining to do
Oh Henry
Tales with a twist
Oh Henry, why’d you tell me this
you messed up my plan
thought that you would be my man
Oh Henry, and I would be your woman, too
(Chorus: Henry, come back home...)

Nothing I Don’t Like

Love that you make is a little insincere
Like a postcard that says "wish you were here"
It's never enough to give me any hope
but too much --oh gawd -- I don't stand a chance
(No, I don't stand a chance)
I see you on Tuesday
Get a kiss on my cheek
the kind of soft touch
I can live off all week
But by Monday I'll probably be
walking down your street
to see if you’re gonna spot me a little advance.
(make just a little advance)
cuz you give me nothing, nothing-- nothing I don't like
oh you give me nothing, nothing-- nothing I don't like
At least gimme something
that I can resist
Write all your faults down on a list
All the lies that you've told,
other girls you've kissed
But nothing you tell me comes close
Will you ever come close?
Love that you make is a little insincere
Like a postcard that says "wish you were here"
It's never enough to give me any hope
but too much --oh gawd,
you give me nothing, and nothing I don't like
you give me nothing, nothing I don't like
nothing I don't like